Just in Time...

I know the story's going to be a bombin' one, but do all the recent chapters have to end with me sitting on my tail, feeling a little like God's looking at me, kinda chuckling? I write this almost laughing at the irony that occurred today. Nothing big, and I'm pretty sure I can't explain it in a way that will communicate the weight it had to me personally. But wow, are you kidding me?! My only response was to let out a seriously high-pitched squeal that I hope my neighbors couldn't hear...only to follow it up with audible speaking to God about the situation with slight irritation. Again, if you've been to my house, you know that presently I don't really have much barrier to keep my living room private. So if the squeal didn't alarm my neighbors, perhaps seeing me walk around muttering seemingly to myself did. ;).

All in all, it's funny. Hilarious, actually. Perfect. Ask me in a few months. I'll fill you in on the details.

- Posted on the go...

Evangelism derailed?

I was wrapping up discipleship time with Mary (our pastor's oldest daughter, a fabulous sophomore in HS) with prayer when I was interrupted by a stern knock on my door. I'm always surprised by unexpected visitors, because I rarely ever get one outside of a delivery man. I see a 19-year-old-looking guy and a dude in his early twenties, both decked out in suits but not matching. So I ruled out Mormons but not yet Jehovah's Witnesses.

I'll preface the rest of my story by saying there's no telling what I'll actually describe of this encounter. I've had so many conflicting thoughts all evening following it that it should be interesting to see what floats to the surface during this alotted timeframe. That's what I love about blogging: I plan all day what I should communicate, sit down to type, and then a whole other beast ends up on the post. So here goes...

They start by inviting me to their church, Liberty Baptist, and then ask me if I attend a church here. I explain my church is about to have their grand opening this Sunday. Their church actually used to meet at Giaudrone years ago, so we spent a few min connecting about the woes of the mobile church before they launched into a spiel I was toooo familiar with: "If you were to die right now, would you go to Heaven? Why or why not?"

Having been through multiple evangelism training sessions and whole mission trips devoted to this method, I was equipped with my answer: "Yes, because Jesus Christ died for my sins." I was met with an unexpected amount of distrust.

"Yes, but He died for everyone's sins, that doesn't mean everyone is going to Heaven." Or something along those lines. I was a bit flabbergasted at this point. Immediately I'm at the crossroads of many options: Do I start taking this kid through the Roman Road to prove I can do what he's doing right now? That's how VALID I am in my salvation? Do I start ripping off verses to prove my spiritual-ness? Do I pull out my church resume to prove that I am a true believer shown by works? It all seemed like an opportunity for a spiritual whizzing contest if you know what I mean. AND Mary, my mentee is looking on. I factor all this in quickly and respond with:

"Because I have a personal relationship with Him." Again, I must have sounded too rehearsed because the boy wasn't convinced. At this point, his lack of social graces was showing, and his whopping social blindspot was getting annoying. He continued with "Yes, but was there a specific time you asked Jesus into your heart, and you knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that you were saved?"

"Yes" was the calm response I was able to muster before I calmly wrapped things up. I was floored. I turned to Mary with a "can you BELIEVE that?" look and possibly those words. I started running through all the options I could have thrown at them like calmly mentioning doctrinal taboo such as predestination, speaking in tongues, or snake handling just to throw them off. That would be absurd, and I'm glad I chose against those responses.

But I was definitely left with so many questions. Never had I been on this end of one of those "church surveys". Isn't that the PC name for those things? As a receiver, here's what I felt:

• Who did this dude think he was to question the validity of my salvation?
• It's not his place to delve into the depths of my heart just because he ended up on my doorstep?
• What exact phrases was he needing to hear to be satisfied?
• As a fellow member in the Spirit, could he not at all sense the Spirit from me? Can't people tell a little bit of that stuff? I know people have in the past.
• Was there not a practice run in their training session that could have curbed some of his linebacker evangelism tactic?
  

And the most concerning thing I was left questioning was:
Do I feel that urgency to bring people to Christ? Is the reality of Hell THAT compelling in my own life?

I don't think it's a coincidence that the sermon I heard on Sunday was one that moved me tears at multiple points because I was asked what I would give up so that my friends and neighbors would come to know Christ. Is their eternal destination a reality to me? Big questions.

I was also left with a sense of guilt for being on the giving end of this method of evangelism, for thinking I could waltz up to someone's front door, coax them into the Sinner's Prayer, keep a tally of converts feeling a sense of victory, and then go about my merry way as if I'd truly done all that was asked of me. And I hope that these kids had plans of assimilation and discipleship for those that were responsive. I pray they did. But I also know that relational evangelism is most effective.

Father, may we be ever so sharp to recognize each and every opportunity to share with others about You and the grace You've so generously afforded us. May we walk around and live out the Truth that You are a God Who changes hearts. Make us vessels, candles, jars of clay. May we be foolishly on display and open books to show the beautiful story You make out of our messes. Pour us out. Loosen our ties to this world. Embolden us with Your LOVE that we might spill over. Be made much of through us.

Titus 2

I got a piece of that picture tonight. It started with a meeting of the prayer group that met for 5 weeks prior to our services at Discovery (Nicole, Kirstin, and myself). Jon, our pastor, was to connect with us later to talk about future direction for the ministry. We only had one problem: Starbucks was closing in 10 minutes.

Conveniently, Nicole's mom and dad (Chuck and Linda) lived really close by. As soon as we could cook up the idea, Nicole was already on the phone planning the invasion. And before we knew it, we were sitting around the deck table in sweatshirts Chuck had required that we don. While discussing the plans going forward, we were blessed with intermittent morsels from Linda about prayer and about being a young woman in ministry.

Then Jon left, and I think Chuck went inside for a bit (only because I remember ending up with just us girls- I mean, women). And I just wanted to stay there...a long time. I wanted to soak every word Linda was willing to share (and then apologizing for lecturing later) of her wealth of wisdom. It was such a blessing. To have your potential and your present state affirmed by amazing women of God is way more than inspirational. It's discipleship. I've been blessed to have that at my disposal consistently from my own mother. She's always ready to remind me that God has a plan and is constantly at work on me and in me and through me for good.

Now (along with 4 of my favorite friends) I have a church full of those ladies.

A Bit Odd

Yes, I am...unapologetically so. But I'm also a little frustrated at being considered in the category of a circus freak when it comes to my outlook on dating and the like. And I don't really date that often. No, despite my family's suspicion, I'm not waiting to marry Jesus. And my "requirements" are not a huge list of 85 things that they have to meet. I promise! At my age and level of understanding of the whole dating/love/compatibility topic (And seriously, people, give me some credit. I've been studying the science of compatibility in detail since my college years. I got tons of data to work with.), I've narrowed what I NEED - and yes, I feel comfortable saying need - down to 3 things.

And I don't go around thinking every man (to be a man) needs to have these three things. I'm not judging you or your husband or your brother. I'm not picking out people that I could be friends with. I'm not saying all godly men look like my 3. When I talk about my 3, I'm only referring to one person, and that's a dude I plan on linking my life with for the rest of it. Yeah, it's a big honkin' deal, so I take it pretty seriously. And in the same way, why would I waste anyone's time or emotion "trying things out" if the basics aren't there? I'm not going to start something hoping or expecting someone to change. Get serious! I'm not enough to be changing big stuff for. It's hard enough for us to keep growing and submitting and learning in our walks with Christ without beating ourselves up. None of us need other PEOPLE adding to our concern for unconditional acceptance.

In the same way, I know me. I'm a lot to deal with. I'm not putting myself down; I'm just being honest. I'm intense. And I just think it's fair to me and to a guy that he know more of this intensity before he invests anything and/or asks me to open myself up to a heart opportunity. So if you're coming to the table with "she goes to church, and I think she's pretty", please don't be surprised when I hit turtle-shell mode at opportunities to spend one-on-one time with you. I got room for friends...all day. There are tons of opportunities to hang out with me and my friends in order to get to know ALL of us better. Do that. Put in the time. Study your subject, wherever or whoever the girl is you've set your sights on. Have more specific things that you like about her if you're going to ask her to show parts of her heart to you. P.S. if you come on the scene in friend mode, you've got a way better chance of getting to know the real her. Be patient...but persistent.

I'm pretty sure (and I've been told) that I don't give off the "yeah, I'm totally approachable vibe". That's kinda on purpose (only when it comes to a dating scenario). Again, it's just statistically weak (the chance of compatibility success). So I'll admit there's a piece of defense mechanism to it. I'll say it: no, I don't want to get hurt. Who does? And yes, I've had my heart broken, and I've been wrong about love. So, booya. Yes, I said it. ;) And I believe in God's plan for my life. I believe He's bigger than my fears and my insecurities. I believe He's bigger than my snap judgments and those made about me.

But for a bit, I'd like to be normal. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to just meet new people and try things out. But I know too much about compatibility for it to be that simple for me. I'm not just dating to make new potential friends. I've got a lifetime full of guys friends, and I add to the number all the time. AND I'm thankful for them. BUT to spend repeated one-one-one time with a guy, where there's an air or an openness to future possibilities of dating, he's going to need to have the 3...or at least not exhibit lack of the 3. And then at some point I'll figure out that he's someone I think I could want to be around for the rest of my life. Hopefully by that point, I'll have done my usual (grown on him like a fungus that he couldn't get rid of), and he'll be stuck.

So you've been waiting, so here are the 3:

1. Has to love Jesus and be willing to do his best to say "yes" to whatever He asks.
2. Has an urgency to further the Kingdom of God (does NOT have to be a minister, but understands his baseline role as one as a believer)
3. I can't be able to beat him up, beat him at every sport, weigh more than him, or be taller than him.

See? Not asking that much. ;)
Lord, I find comfort that You are so much bigger than all my neuroses. Father, please make this man's courage bigger as well. Give him wisdom, gentleness, and strength as he weasels his way into my heart. Don't let him be scathed by my theories or my opinions, but in Your time let him see what You see when You see my heart (potential included, because let's get serious: Prov. 31 competency is a little ways off). And please grant me wisdom and discretion about how to avoid this topic in social situations that come my way in the future. ;)

Questions

I guess it should come as no surprise that as you begin to exercise faith, bigger obstacles come. Did I say obstacles? I fully meant opportunities. ;) But we default to "obstacles" most of the time, right? Maybe it's just me. It's kinda funny actually...to think about how deeply I have bought into the deception that I have any control at all on what's to come. Have I had any up to this point? Um, no. Why would I think that's about to change?

Seriously, though, when we investigate the thought process behind most of our human worries (and especially you, Christians), don't they sound kinda silly? Has God been walking with us thus far? Has He more than graciously provided for all of our basic needs and then some? What reason would we have to think He's just going to up and stop?

Now the reality is that it might not look like we think it should - His best. But we don't know. Check out Job 39-42 where God sits Job down and starts asking HIM all the questions. What do we know? Did WE put creation into being? Do WE have a voice that calms the waves? Get serious. So in the same way, His best may look disastrous. But He promises to work good (Jer. 29:11, Rom. 8:28, Isa. 55:8-9). I feel like a broken record with those, but they keep being so honkin' applicable. So I'll keep reciting them.

AND let's give credit where credit is due. So the Enemy's big guns aren't going to be applicable for everyone. But the goal is not debauchery with Him. It's ineffectiveness. What will most quickly and efficiently handicap a vessel for the Kingdom? That's the Enemy's MO. For us overthinkers, it's doubt. Pride (thinking we have some control) and doubt, which leads to fear, which renders us useless. My challenge is for us (me, me, me) to get better at calling him out early in the process. Remind him he's not invited to this thought party. Recite Truth. After all, the Word is our only offensive weapon AND it's what Jesus did when HE was tempted. And lastly, pray, giving it over to God as often as necessary while listening and looking for His response. We can expect that. We just have to remember His timetable doesn't look like ours. ;)

Opinions

Everybody's got 'em. Some have more than others. I have too many. I see so much freedom in the simple-minded outlooks of others. I've asked God many times why it can't be mine. I'm left with the conclusion that all my analysis must have a purpose for the Kingdom. Like a gift or weapon, it must be wielded well or it's a waste or even worse, a danger.

So many opinions rise to the surface of my mind quickly: (laugh if you want)

• about Jon and Kate Gosselin and their marriage
• about Ahmadinejad being a crook and a joke as a leader and how in the nation he continues to be allowed to lead
• about teenagers in our country and the lack of parenting
• about the government's role in healthcare
  

However, one thing I've noticed is that I am so limited to my human perspective. And limited it is. I need Truth. I need a constant infusion of Truth to interrupt and address my human-sized thought processes. So I'll keep these opinions to myself for now. I need to spend time on some Truth before I'm equipped to speak. THAT's where freedom is. (John 8:32).

Our highlights from Tijuana, Mexico



The testimonies about what God did on our trip